People keep asking "how are you not freaking out right now" they say things like "you're so strong" "you're so brave." Here's what I think.
First, I've had a lifetime of experience to prepare me. Thankfully I know what it's like to have major surgery. I've gone under general anesthesia more than 30 times, I've had countless number of IVs, I know that all the doctors come through the morning of the surgery, that the surgeon comes in and signs the area that they are going to operate on with a permanent marker, they wheel me into the operating room and have me scoot over onto the operating table, and give me oxygen with a mask and then they give me the anesthesia medicine through the IV and I fell asleep. I know that I wake up in the recovery room, and once I'm awake enough they let my family come in and see me, that once I am stable enough they'll take me to my room. All this stuff is not new to me and doesn't freak me out anymore (it used to when I was little). So that part of why I'm not as scared as people think I should be.
Second, The things I don't know, like what it's like to wake up without a leg, are so big that it's hard to even comprehend what I should be worried about. The issues that I will face after the surgery, even the doctors aren't sure exactly what it will be like, but they are sure that they can get me through it and these doctors are literally the best in the world, so I trust that they can get me through it.
And lastly, and most importantly, I have felt God's peace through all of this more than I ever have before. Your prayers are working! And Gods peace isn't just a little emotion that we feel, it is a peace that is uncomprehendable, unexplainable, beyond what we can understand. So when you say to me "I don't understand, why are not freaking out," that's it!!! I have a peace that doesn't make sense to us as humans. I think this might be the first time I have really realized and understood what that scripture is saying.
With that said please don't stop praying, Satan is real and although he cannot take me away from God's love he will do whatever he can to take God's joy and peace from me. This morning we woke up and the heat in our house we are renting was not working, when we got to the hospital to get labs drawn the computers were down as well as the paging system, so it took a little longer to get the orders. Our land lord is working on fixing the heater and fortunately there is another heater in the house that we can use. So just keep praying for God's protection today. After my blood test we're headed home and I'm just want to spend a peaceful day home with David and my mom and sister.
Thank you for your prayers! God is good and He's got this!!